


Too Much

by Actually_Ichimatsu



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders, Thomas Sanders (Video Blogging RPF) - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Bad Days, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Fluff, Gen, Mental Health Issues, Post-Fitting In, anxiety attack, how to tag for this fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-16
Updated: 2017-09-16
Packaged: 2018-12-30 12:59:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12109224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Actually_Ichimatsu/pseuds/Actually_Ichimatsu
Summary: Some days, you just need someone with you to help you out of your head. Yes, even you, Virgil.





	Too Much

**Author's Note:**

> kjjanjgbajdnajd this is NOT GOOD. I just had a bad morning and gkjanbjfnfvnadmndslckv heck. ummmm just be careful reading this? it contains intrusive thoughts and yee!! This is my first posted fic of this fandom i hope I did some justice!!! YEE

He felt off as soon as he woke up. Virgil would’ve groaned aloud, if he could. Well, he knew he could, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. His heart squeezed uncomfortably in his chest. Virgil stood shakily, clenching his fists. He had to get out of his room. His room almost had a life of its own, making one overthink in its darkened atmosphere, and prone to cause anxiety attacks. Virgil slipped on his newly purpled jacket. 

 

_ You look freakish,  _ His mind spoke to him, and Virgil bit his tongue.  _ Not now, not now, get out now. Just don’t think about it. It’s stupid. _ A more reasonable side of his mind bit. Virgil grabbed his phone off of his charger, and put his headphones around his neck. He knew he would need those today, more than most days.  _ You’re stupid. Idiotic. You’re useless. _

 

Virgil huffed, opening his door. It was too early for this. He turned on his phone to check the time. 7:54.  _ Way too early. _

 

\---

 

Virgil’s headphones played music loudly, and his hood was pulled over his head. He tried to type something, anything, to get his emotions out, but he couldn’t bring pencil to paper- rather, hand to phone. He scrolled down his tumblr, his body tensed, wanting anything to calm him down, or distract him from his thoughts. His headphones were turned all the way up, but he could still hear his thoughts. They wouldn’t _shut up._ _Nothing would stop. It was too loud, everything was too much, everything keeps going and we’re going to die without doing anything substantial, nothing matters in the end and all I ever do is ruin everything-_

 

Virgil flinched violently when he felt a hand on his shoulder and nearly fell off the couch, and he almost gave himself whiplash by turning his head so fast. He saw a light blue, and a grey figure. Patton, he told himself. It didn’t help him calm down any though- he saw you, he saw you he  _ saw you _ ,  _ he’s going to see how much of a mess you are, and you are nothing but a mess, you only bring Thomas and everyone down, they hate you they’ve always hated you, they’re faking that they like you _ \- suddenly over his own heartbeat, he heard a fatherly tone trying to get his attention. It took him a second before he could understand Patton, his ears hearing what was being said but the brainwaves couldn’t decipher what was being said.

 

“..gil? Verge, buddy, can you hear me?” Virgil’s ears finally pieced together a coherent sentence from Patton. Virgil nodded, everything suddenly picking back up. He heard his music loudly from around his neck, and he heard the coffee brewing- and wait, when had his headphones fallen from his ears? Virgil scrambled for his phone, and turned off the music. His breath was catching up with him and his heartbeat was slowing down, he felt no tears streaming down his face. He grunted, in ordinance to Patton’s worried look, to show he was listening. This was a normal occurrence for Virgil, but the others had never noticed. Virgil’s heart tightened with panic, but he shoved it down. It’s dumb. He didn’t even know what it is. It doesn’t really even fit a panic attack, looking at his own symptoms, or an anxiety attack. Can the embodiment of anxiety even have an anxiety attack?

Virgil felt a gentle hand on his arm, but this time he didn’t flinch away. He looked towards Patton, and Patton looked back. A time not too long ago, no one would touch him, ever, almost as if they would catch his negativity just by touching him. The other Sides would avoid him like a plague. But ever since he’d ducked out, they’d give him little touches to reassure him, and recently, during movie times, Patton would hold him carefully, letting him leave if he wanted to. Patton was a lot more perceptive than people gave him credit for, and he noticed that Virgil would lean slightly into Patton’s arms, but in a barely perceivable manner. Patton had noticed, though. Patton always noticed. Virgil had an idea, but he couldn’t voice it. It was dumb. It probably wouldn’t make a difference. He was just needy, he wanted too much.

 

“Hey, Verge?” Patton said softly. Virgil looked at him, and Patton continued, “Can I cuddle with you?” He said gently. Virgil nodded slightly.

 

Patton always noticed.

 

The fatherly side sat down on one side of the couch, and opened his arms, Virgil squirming into the crevice, throwing his legs over Patton’s lap, and Patton let his arms fall over Virgil. Virgil tensed for a moment, but then most of the tension in his body was gone. Patton started speaking about his morning thus far, getting off topic quickly, but carrying the conversation and Virgil gave some input. He’s just doing this so Thomas will be okay.

 

No, Patton actually cared for him. Patton wouldn’t do this if he didn’t care about him. Patton cared. Right now, he was sure of it. Later, he may be unsure, but now, he was okay. Everything was okay for now, and that's enough for now.


End file.
